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Sunday, April 8, 2007

I Did It.....

Let me ask you a question. Have you ever battled or strugled with something, whether it be a physically or mentally challenging thing, that has kept you and your loved ones from doing something that they enjoy most?

Well I have and I wrote about it in my blog a while back. I won't go into details about it -you can go back and read it if you like, (it was July 18th 2005) -but I will say that I had a fear of bugs. Not that I'm an Entomophobic, I don't mind seeing bugs, I just have a severe complex about them crawling on me and I have good reason for it, as I've had bad experiences with it happening it to me while I was trying to sleep a couple of times in the past. So needless to say I wasn't about to go camping where nature's full of these little creatures ready to roam my body.

I wasn't always like this. In fact before I met Dan I went camping with my family a lot. Well not every summer mind you, but I'd been camping I loved it. Loved it enough to want to do it in the future with my husband and future family. Didn't know in the future I'd have this severe complex, as well as other things plaguing me as well, like bad sleeping patterns and severe insomnia. Put them all together I didn't exactly make a good candidate to go camping with. Can you blame me for liking my holidays in a hotel? I mean c'mon here: comfy bed, no bugs....that's a happy camper!

Anyways these last couple of years Dan and I have tried to come close to going camping by spending time with family and friends who've gone camping. We'll either go up for the day where they're camping and then come home, or if it's too far we'll go and spend the night in a hotel. I was comfortable, yes it's true, but then again it just wasn't the same. But no one mocked or made fun of my weakness, or fears because they loved me enough to know that I struggled with a mental anguish. They were more happy that I was there and to know that it was important enough to me to enjoy the experience of camping, without actually experiencing the part that gave me the most to fear. The sleeping in a tent part.

Most of you that know me, know that I hate to miss out on things if people are still around having fun. Like at a party I'm usually the last to leave, cause I hate missing out on the fun. So when people are camping, leaving just when things are getting good, or not being there in the morning when people get up for breakfast early in the day is hard for me. I don't like to miss a thing. That to me was the hardest part. That to me is why I wanted to change. That is why I wanted to overcome my weakness. That is why I write this blog today.

About a month ago I got those feelings of "missing out on the fun" as Sarah & Alyssa were booking their camp site for the sunmmertime. These are friends of ours that went camping last year and we went up for the day to "hang out" while they camped, but we went home after they all went to bed and I so desperately wanted to be a part of the fun the next day. Anyways this time they automatically knew Dan and I wouldn't be going, because I told her point blank, "we don't camp remember", but they invited us up for the day anyways. I told them we'd maybe stay in a hotel up where they would be camping up near Deception Pass (somewhere I'd ALWAYS wanted to go).

Since then I'd been thinking to myself how much I've missed out because of my silly fear.

"It really is all in my head". I'd say to myself. This can be overcome. This WILL be overcome. Then I put that thought away for a bit.

A couple of weeks later (about a week ago) Dan and I were at Costco and he wanted to look at the camping supplies for our Emergency preperation stuff. That's when I decided at that moment I was going to overcome my fear. We saw a really nice tent that was on sale and I said to Dan, "You know, I've decided I'm going to overcome my fear. I want to go camping".

You must understand, that to Dan, this is like telling him that he could have the world. Camping to Dan is like Chocolate to Susan....and for those who know Susan, Susan loooooves her Chocolate! So this absolutely meant SO MUCH to Dan. He almost started to cry right then and there in Costco. ALMOST. I'm sure if we weren't in a public place...

Anyways to make a long story short, we bought the tent, (which was a really good deal $80 for an 8 person tent) and that week we bought sleeping bags, and foam pads and Friday after getting an early day off from work we spontaneously took off for the night up passed Everett to Wenberg State park and spent the night, in a tent. No bugs crawled on me....I checked the tent a billion times mind you, but I DID IT!

We had actually planned to go Monday, but had heard that it was supposed to rain and since it was such a beautiful day on Friday we took advantage of the weather, even though it meant getting up and packed and on the road by 7 am, cause we had to be in Kent WA for an all-day class that we have to take for 4 Saturday's in April in order to adopt through the State of WA. But that's another story. But camping was great. We roasted Hot Dogs, had S'Mores, played Parcheesi and had a horrible night's sleep, but at least we're prepared for the next time and we're aware of what we'll need in order to make our next excursion better.

But I DID IT!!!

Dan kept telling me how proud he was of me. He kept saying it over and over and he usually doesn't say things like that over and over and just knowing how much it meant to him, means a lot to me. My weakness/fear, as silly as it seems to most of you, was something that wasn't so silly to me and it had kept my poor husband from something that he enjoyed SO MUCH. I've only just now, in this moment, realized how much Dan has had to sacrifice for me. His love of camping, missing out on family camp outs....all because he respected and loved his wife enough to say, "it's okay, I don't have to do that anymore."

Well, we can do it now, and it's because I have the love and support of a wonderful husband who believes in me and because I can trust in a Father in Heaven that through prayer and faith, one can overcome ANYTHING. No matter how silly it may seem

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