Regret

So I was surfing the web looking for dress patterns and I came across a website that had wedding gowns......well before I go into that I have to confess something.

A couple of years ago a friend (whom shall remain nameless) and I decided that it would be fun to pretend that I was in the market for a wedding dress. So we went to this Bridal boutiqe and played up the whole story that was getting married the following year and that I needed a dress. The sales associate helped me pick out a few that I wanted to try on and I proceeded to the dressing room, where this friend and I couldn't stop laughing at what we were getting away with. I put the first dress on and boy did I feel special. I came out of the dressing room and stood in front of the mirrors and that's when it happend. I fell in love with a dress.

The dress was beyond beautiful. There were no words to describe how it fit me. It was like my body and the dress were having a marriage union of their own, the way the outter layer of chiffon flowed and clung to every flattering curve of my body. The bodice was delicately beaded so that there wasn't too much or too little, just enough to add a bit of glittera and shine when the light hit it.

I didn't want to take it off. Even strangers in the store were commenting on how wonderful this dess was on me; how it seemed that it was "made for me". That's when I realized that I had to come back to reality. I wasn't engaged and I didn't need a wedding dress. Although I was tempted to buy it then and there. Little did I know that I would be getting married the following year to the man of my dreams.

When I was engaged for reals this time, I searched every store from BC to Washington state to the internet and I could not find the dress of my dreams. None of the stores even carried anything remotely close to it and that's when I gave up trying to find it. I tried on other dresses that were either too immodest and beyond alteration or that just weren't the right style I was looking for. I did however try on some styles that I never would've considerd and so I decided that I would put all of the flattering styles in my head, shake it all up and design my own dress. And that's what I did.

I took my ideas to a dressmaker and I drew up the perfect dress design for her to make for my perfect day. 3 months later I had a beautiful dress made with Matte Satin Fabric, with an Organza overlayed skirt and a tenderly beaded lace overlayed top. It had some of the features that I had found in "THE" dress, but by then I had forgotten about the exquisite dress I had tried on before, because I had a beautiful enough dress for my beautiful day.

Anyways since the day of the wedding I haven't been too fond of the dress I wore that day and I've had some regrets of the way it turned out. I was talking to this friend recently about how I wished that I could do some things about my wedding differntly and I mentioned my dress. She then reminded me about the dress I tried on with her when I was fraudulently engaged and how truly perfect it was on me.

That brings us to what I was tlaking about at the begining of this blog. I stumbled upon this wedding dress site as I was searching for dress patterns and so I decided to humor myself and look through all the beautiful gowns. And that's when I saw it. It was MY dress! The exact one that I had tried on in the store two years before. The dress that I had fallen in ove with. The dress that I tried so desperatly to find when I truly was engaged. The dress that I thought never existed anymore. The dress that I ached for. It was there, on sale, on the internet. My regrets started haunting me and taunting me again. If only I had searched harder and longer, perhaps we would've been reunited at last. Instead I only have memories of how it was when body and dress had formed one spirit. The spirit which would now haunt me forever.

I think I'll go eat some chocolate.

BTW This is the dress: