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Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic
* The Titanic is big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
* Yoda could've used the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
* Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material. Rose is just marriage bait.
* Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
* It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a light saber as opposed to a handgun.
* Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.
* We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy 'cause he strangles people & blows up planets for fun.
* Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing? *NOTE* Is this a scary premonition: Anakin DeCaprio?
* Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.
* There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
* If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.
* Nothing has the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."
* Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
* Han Solo would've steered clear of that stinkin' iceberg!
* We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated, "Luke....I am your father"?
* Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in Titanic was a minor character.
* When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all time by half of planet earth, George Lucas did not make a fool of himself at the Oscars.
* Titanic morals: 1) gamble, 2) cheat on your husband, 3) pose nude for pictures, 4) premarital sex is OK if you're infatuated, 5) let undesirables drown.
Star Wars morals: 1) fight evil, 2) do good, 3) respect all life even if it's ugly and slithers, 4) rescue princess, 5) save planet.
Amen!
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