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Tuesday, August 17, 2010


In September ’09 we had finalized the adoption of our two little girls, whom we’d had in our life for almost 2 years. In early January my husband and I were preparing to adopt more children through our state Foster-Adopt program. By doing the Foster-Adopt program we hoped to adopt another sibling group to add to our young family, as well as avoid the high costs we incurred when we adopted our two girls. We were ready to tackle this again and we felt it was the perfect time.

I have never experienced pregnancy, so I can’t say that I know what it feels like to expect a baby, but I can tell you that expecting children through adoption, probably feels about the same, if not more anxious. You start preparing for them; getting a room ready and buying all of the things you’ll need for them. Emotionally and physically, we were “expecting”.

Almost 5 months into our preparation we found out very suddenly that we would not be doing the Foster-Adopt program to adopt more children. Now this may sound like no big deal, (especially cause I'm being vague.....for the full version visit our private blog) but to us it was absolutely devastating. I felt my heart get swallowed up in emotion. I felt as if I had suffered a miscarriage; not physically, but emotionally. One moment I was expecting children and then next I was told this wasn’t going to happen.

For a few moments I let the natural man take over my body and my intellect. The “why”, “how” and “what’s next” came over me. But thankfully the God fearing woman in me regained my consciousness and the most overwhelming feeling of hope came over me. The cloud was instantly removed from my head and the Spirit of the Lord reminded me of who was in charge here. There was a plan for us. Even though our yellow brick road had become dark and dreary for a moment; with no end in sight, ultimately Heavenly Father had shined light on another path. We simply had to choose to take it.

With a little hope and a lot of faith we decided to take the road less travelled and look into adopting older children who were already legally free to adopt. This wasn’t something we felt we were ready to do at this time in our life, but we knew it was what Heavenly Father has planned for us. This story has no ending yet, as we are still in the process of searching for child to fit in our family, but what it does have is infinite hope that our Heavenly Father will lead and guide us to where we’re meant to go, even though the righteous path may lead us to heartache and suffering. To feel joy we must feel pain. Ultimately He’s in charge and we must have faith that He knows what He’s doing, even though it doesn’t fit in to what we had planned.


NaDell said...

I am impressed by your giving and wonderfully accepting attitude.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I know that all will work out according to the Lord's plan. That's the hardest part...

Amanda said...

I hope it all works out in the end for you guys! We love you lots and we'll keep you in our prayers!

Suze said...

Thanks ladies!

Chesney said...

im glad to see you blogging again! im sorry that things didnt work out the way you had planned. you guys will be in our prayers

Debbi said...

You are already a superb mother. I can't wait for the time when you add another 20 to the mix! :)

Cheering for you! <3 hugs

*Danette said...

Oh Suze! I feel for you and have experienced your pain. So glad that you have hope and are optomistic about the future! Much love!

Suze said...

Thanks for the comments my dear friends.

Danette I can honestly say that you're the only one that could understand what I'm going through. It's amazing how Heavenly Father brings friends into our lives for a reason. I will never forget the day I met you at the PIC Center.

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