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Sunday, January 3, 2010

Oh My Achin' Head!

For those of you who have known me a while, know that I suffer from headaches. It was 3 years ago (in December) that I was diagnosed with a Daily Persistant Headache. In a nutshell, I had a headache that never went away. No over the counter medications can help and there is no cure or true medications to stop it. My pain fluctuates from minor pressure and pain, to severe and often times, debilitating pressure and pain. Did I mention that it never goes away. I go to sleep with head pain and I wake up with pain. I live my life with constant, dull, achy pain.

I'm not sharing this with you to feel sorry for me. On the contrary.

It's the premise for my blog post today.

I awoke with moderate pain in my head and I knew that today would be what I like to call a "bad day". On a typical "bad day" my pain level is so high that I don't do much. I keep my activity low and my children busy with things that won't intrude on my stress or pain level. I can't say that I have "bad days" all the time, but they do happen about 3-6 times a month. Well today having a "bad day", was bad cause we had church to go to. It sucks cause my pain wasn't bad enough to stay home, but it wasn't good enough to be my happy go lucky self at church either. But I went anyways. Not only cause I have a responsibility with church callings, but also because I really love going to church and I hate to miss out.

Well it was kind of a bad idea.

My head pain was so severe I couldn't cope. It's weird, but although I know for a fact that I was at church today, a lot of it was a total blurr. What I do remember is sitting in our fast and testimony meeting and hearing some of the testimonies that people were sharing.

I felt as though everyone that had gone up there was talking directly to me.

People shared about how we should be grateful for our trials and that with God we could get through everything. One young girl got up there and said that if we were having a bad day, that if we just prayed, that everything would be better. I loved her testimony. It was so simple, yet it was all I needed to hear that day. Or so I thought.

More people kept saying things that I needed to hear. And then the doozey. One man got up there and the one thing that he mentioned was how we don't know how people are doing, really. We may say, "how are you doing", but do we really care? Well that man's words started the water works in me (which is really bad, cause when I cry, my head hurts more)

I was having the crappiest of crappy days and no one really knew (except of course Dan). I wasn't my usual self today and I'm sure everyone thought I was miss grumpy. At one point I had to leave one of my meetings, cause it got so loud and I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to "run" so I could go to my car, without anyone saying hi or asking how I was, cause I knew that would start me crying. Crying cause of the pain and crying cause my heart ached to be "normal".

Well as I walked passed the foyer trying to escape to my car to get a little rest, a group of women, (my Canadian Girls) asked how I was doing and I lost it. I tried to ignore them and run to my car, but one of them chased after me. I hate crying in front of people and it's even worse when they have no idea why I'm crying. But I was glad she chased after me. I needed her at that moment and she was Heaven sent. I love it when Heavenly Father sends angels among us when He's not able to physically be with us and she was an answer to prayer.

Anyways this blog post didn't turn out like I hoped. But I just wanted to convey that you never know when someone is having a bad day or if they're having trouble with their life. All it takes is someone to care or show love to turn someones bad day into, not so bad. I also feel like I was rude or unfriendly to people today and I hope that they'll be forgiving and understanding of me.

Happy Sunday.


Doreen said...

Suze, I know what you mean. When people ask me that I have to think 1. do they/I have enough time? 2. Do they really, really want to know? and 3. Do i really want the water works to start?
Dealing with constant trials and not really looking like you are is hard. Hard to hold it together every day and yet...
I can empathize with you TOTALLY. All the best and know that when I ask, "how are you?" I really mean it! I wanna know.
BTW--I missed you in the choir seats, but understand. Hope you are enjoying your new home.

Lots of love,

Sarah said...

I understand that too. The worst is when you feel awful for a long time and have to meet new people. Then I feel like they're not meeting the real me, but I don't want to be unfriendly and avoid them.

I had chronic headaches for a long time. Have doctors ever put you on a diuretic (for water retention)? That helped me and I rarely need the medication anymore. My problem started after a head injury. I had a concussion and I just wasn't the same after that. First I was put on Diamox. It made my lips and fingers tingle and my potassium level dropped dangerously low. Then I was put on Maxzide and I didn't experience any side effects other than peeing like crazy. Sorry for the TMI, everyone.

Years later, I went on the pill, developed lots of unpleasant problems including nausea, dizziness, weird nervous system symptoms, headache, etc. Things were pretty bad for a year and after a lot of tests and researching, I had some Maxzide from years ago and I was better within days. I was reading that fluid can build around the vestibular nerve (that regulates balance) and cause problems with your nervous system too. The article I found said this tends to happen to people with a history of head injuries.

I hope whatever is causing your problem, you'll get to the bottom of it. There were times I had a headache for a year straight. It was a nightmare when I was in seminary and trying to get through school. Prayers for you.

Suze said...

Thank you ladies....and Doreen, when I ask, I really mean it too!

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